The x-rated jokes came thick and fast from Madonna as she kicked off her London dates at the Palladium this week.
The 61-year-old Like A Virgin songstress is currently on her Madame X tour, and brashly boasted during the opening show on Wednesday night that she has ‘never been with a guy with a small d**k and that she’s ‘good on her knees’.
Madonna asked the audience: ‘What do you call a man with a small penis? The answer is, I wouldn’t f**king know. I’ve never been with a guy with a small d**k. You know size matters, don’t pretend that it doesn’t!’
During the two-hour ten-minute show, she made other outrageous gags about having sexually transmitted diseases and being told she’s “good” when she’s on her knees.
After being given a chair by a dancer, she said: “Usually I kneel for about 20 minutes and that’s fine. I’m good at it, so I’ve been told.”
And when she took a swig from an audience member’s beer, Madge added: “There you go, we have just shared STDs.”
She also joked about finding her assistants on gay dating app Grindr and even made a crude comment about classical composer Mozart.
She said: “You know they say that the eyes are the window to the soul. And I believe that.
“However, I think that you are all forgetting about a more important window.”
Opening her legs as Mozart’s music started to play, she added: “That’s right ladies and gentleman, this is what it’s like to have Mozart come out of your p***y. Don’t be jealous. I’m pretty sure he’s dead.”
The multi-million-selling singer’s show on Wednesday was the first of a 14-night stint at the Palladium over the next three weeks.